A Midsummer Night's Nightmare
by Fedora The Explora
Summary: This is the harrowing tale of how Seto Kaiba and Serenity Wheeler plan their wedding. Joey gets destructive, Mokuba goes through that evil teenager phase, and all hell generally breaks loose.
1. The Wedding That Takes The Cake

A Midsummer Night's Nightmare

_Chapter I: The Wedding That Takes The Cake (And Probably Eats It Too)_

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Yeah, I know..."shut up, RoseBright, you're not funny." And without any further _Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series_ references, I give to you the first chapter of this story.

* * *

"Really, Seto? Of all the things you could have cancelled on, it's the wedding cake testing? _Really_?" Serenity Wheeler asked her fiancé, crestfallen. Seto Kaiba leaned back in his desk chair and stared right into her hazel eyes with his icy blue ones.

"Take your brother. He seems to have a proclivity for junk food that I just can't match."

"Seto, this isn't junk food...well, yes, technically cake is junk food, but this is our wedding cake. And I don't want to taste wedding cakes with my brother, I want to do that with my future husband. Besides, if I take Joey, he'd probably just eat the whole thing before I could even order it," she insisted. Mokuba Kaiba chuckled from the sofa, where he'd been parked on his own laptop for the past few hours.

Kaiba cast a dark look over at his younger brother, then stood up and walked over to Serenity and pulled her into his arms. She stared up into his eyes pleadingly.

"I am sorry about this, Serenity, I just have too much to do today. Besides, it's not too late to hire a wedding planner," he said softly, caressing her long brown hair. She shook her head vigorously.

"No. This is _our_ day, and I wanted to plan it together," she told him. Kaiba thought for a moment, then sighed.

"Fine. Mokuba, you need to take care of my meeting," he finally gave in. Mokuba looked up briefly, then returned his eyes to the screen.

"I'm kind of busy, Seto."

Kaiba rolled his eyes at his teenage brother. "Busy is not the equivalent of productive. You've been playing Angry Birds and Skyrim since you got here this afternoon. So yes, you certainly could stand to do something productive." Mokuba shut his laptop forcefully and gave his older brother an indignant look.

"Spying on my personal computer is not cool!"

Kaiba put his arm around Serenity to lead her out. "Nothing is personal on company time."

"I am not taking over your lame ass business meeting," Mokuba insisted. Kaiba turned around in the middle of the doorway so quickly that his movement caused Serenity to stumble and fall forward. Honestly, ever since the kid had reached his mid-teens, he'd been distracted, sarcastic, and above all, impossible.

"You want to run that by me again, Mokuba?"

Mokuba pulled out a sheet of paper and a black permanent marker. "I said, I'm not taking over your lame ass business meeting. If you're having trouble hearing, I can write it down for you." He waved the marker and paper. "Or if you're suddenly forgetting how to understand English, I can have it translated to Spanish, or French, or if you're really having an off day, Icelandic."

Kaiba simply stared at Mokuba. Had he lost his damn mind? Suddenly, putting Joey Wheeler in charge of this meeting seemed overly appealing. Finally, with that frightening thought looming ominously in his mind, he sneered and stepped towards his younger brother.

"Here's the deal, kid," he began in a low voice, so Serenity couldn't hear, but threatening enough to inform Mokuba that he was not kidding. "If you can get this cake testing to end before two, then I will gladly take care of this meeting. If not, then you better be ready to do a damn good job in closing the deal yourself, and let me tell you -this attitude of yours is not going to cut it."

Mokuba smirked right back at his older brother and picked up the phone. "Challenge accepted, bro." Kaiba returned to Serenity, shaking his head as they proceeded to the elevator.

"We are so disowning any future children before they reach his age," he muttered. Serenity turned to him, eyes filled with sardonic amusement.

"Oh, yeah, they're going to love hearing about this, Seto."

A smile so faint that only Serenity could catch it momentarily brightened Kaiba's otherwise worn expression. She slipped her hand into his as the limo pulled up to take them to the cake shop, which was really in walking distance, but Serenity figured her fiancé deserved a bye for raising a moody teenager when he was barely out of those years himself. Moments later the couple found themselves in front of Paige's Cakery, and greeted by not only Paige herself, but the entire Nerd Convention.

Kaiba groaned. _Well, this just bites_, he thought as Joey ran over to hug his sister in an attempt to drag her away from him; however, he missed the fact that Kaiba was still holding her hand and was freely able to pull her back to his side.

"What are they all doing here?" he hissed into her ear. "Really? After you made that big show about how you wanted to test cakes with-"

"Seto, if you think I actually invited them here, you're completely mental and we need to break up right now," she retorted hotly as Joey growled at her brother and Téa, Yugi, and Tristan cooed over cupcakes.

Paige approached them with a sheet of paper in her hand. "Actually, Mokuba Kaiba asked them to come...he sent a them over, along with this," she informed them, handing the paper to Serenity.

"Of course he did," Kaiba muttered, though he was very impressed with how quickly he'd gotten them there. Serenity stifled a giggle, so Kaiba leaned down to read the note.

'_Dearest Big Brother,_

_I regret to inform you (for your sake) that I have indeed discovered a way to speed up the wedding cake decision process; however, in my genius, I have also decided to make it as painful and torturous to you as possible. I have requested that Téa, Yugi, Tristan, and Joey all select one cake that they find to be the best, and then they will argue against each other why they believe theirs is the best. You don't actually have to taste the cakes at all, so I'm saving you lots of time there, bro._

_Regards,_

_Mokuba_'

"Great. So we're playing Cake Court Room," Kaiba said defeatedly. "Perhaps I should start copyrighting that tonight."

"Mokuba might sue you," Serenity pointed out, only half-joking. Kaiba suppressed a smile then turned to the rest of the room.

"Hurry up, we don't have all day." He and Serenity were then led to a small glass table, where two large mugs of coffee awaited them. She pulled her chair around so they were sitting side by side, and rested her head on his shoulder. Kaiba couldn't wait to just be married and have all this be over with.

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Author's Note: a few things...obviously this story is set several years later than in the actual anime. Mokuba is based on a somewhat exaggerated version of me whenever people tell me to do something I don't want to deal with. Haha. And I know it doesn't make any sense to start a whole new story when I've got like a million others in progress, but they're all sad and stressful and stuff. So I needed something to let my other side fly!


	2. Cake & Order: Buttercream Intent

A Midsummer Night's Nightmare

* * *

_Chapter II: Cake & Order: Buttercream Intent_

* * *

After what seemed like years, Yugi, Téa, and Tristan lined up in front of a smiling Serenity and a heavily scowling Kaiba. They each possessed a cupcake representing the flavor of a wedding cake they were going suggest as the one for the wedding. Kaiba narrowed his eyes even further when he realized a very specific person had seemingly vanished.

"Where's the mutt?"

Serenity shot him a look. "That's my brother, and in a few months, he'll be yours too."

Kaiba closed his eyes momentarily, fighting his urge to spit out 'in-law.' Successful in that venture, he allowed himself to relax a bit. "Well, at least we can just get on with it. Yugi?"

The tiny duelist with the absurd haircut smiled brightly, and stepped forward.

"The flavor I've chosen to be your wedding cake is a banana cake complete with chocolate buttercream frosting and maraschino cherries. I believe that this is what you should choose because it represents everything important in the world." Yugi paused before speaking again. "Bananas are sweet and delightful, just like Serenity. And chocolate...who doesn't like chocolate?"

Tristan raised his hand, distracting Yugi momentarily. "Kaiba."

"Um...what?" Yugi asked, truthfully confused by his friend's interjection.

"I just wanted to answer your question. Kaiba probably doesn't like chocolate," Tristan clarified, then looked at the groom-to-be. "Right?"

Kaiba rolled his eyes. "Actually, I happen to enjoy chocolate, you useless moron."

Tristan growled, but Yugi spoke over the brewing tension. "Anyhow...this cake also features cherries, so not only does this give it an extra flavor burst, but it's more colorful as well!" He stepped back, and blinked at the engaged couple. "I'm done."

Kaiba snorted. "You really don't argue much, do you?" His fiancée swatted him on the arm, which eliminated his smirk, but planted some resentment. Luckily, when she spoke, her words were distracting enough to erase that feeling.

"Uh...Yugi...that all sounds great, but you picked the only cake in the shop that looks like your hair," Serenity pointed out. "The yellow, the brown, and the red...like your hair."

"We are not going to eat Yugi's hair to celebrate the commitment that Serenity and Kaiba are about to make," Tristan declared, albeit a little too seriously.

"Damn right we're not. Next," Kaiba ordered, watching with near-amusement as Tristan placed his cupcake on the table in front of him. He stretched his arms out, cracked his knuckles, then sighed. Kaiba groaned inwardly. This was already bordering on unbearable.

"I have selected a cake that my opponents were clearly too 'conservative' to choose; one that defies any mention of the typical chocolate or vanilla, and harks no resemblance to the head-topping of any friend of the bride."

Serenity leaned in closer to Kaiba as Tristan continued to ramble on without getting to the point. "Did he just call Yugi's hair a 'head-topping?'"

Kaiba reached out and grabbed her hand. "I wasn't even going to ask." They turned their attention back to the monologuing Tristan, who had already set up a drumroll sound effect on his phone.

"I have selected...coconut cake with lime frosting!"

Serenity raised her hand. "Tristan, I appreciate the creativity and all, but I'm allergic to coconuts."

Tristan stood there stupidly. "Oh. Never mind, then!" He shoved the cupcake into his mouth and walked out the door. Serenity turned to Paige and apologized, assuring her the cost of the cupcake would be covered.

"Okay, Gardner, your choice better be good," Kaiba told the last remaining person. Téa smiled and placed her cupcake where Tristan's had been.

"All right, short and sweet. This is a devil's food chocolate cake with vanilla buttercream and raspberries. It's elegant, does not look like anyone's hair, and won't cause anyone's throat to swell shut after ingesting it."

Kaiba cut it in half with a plastic knife, and handed part of it to Serenity. They ate it thoughtfully. Finally, Serenity swallowed and turned to smile at Téa.

"I think you chose our wedding cake. Thanks, Téa!"

"Not so fast," said a familiar accented voice from the door way. "I think I have a better idea."

Kaiba groaned at the sight of Joey Wheeler. "Make it fast before my brother costs me my company."

Joey walked over proudly and dropped a white box in front of him. "Everybody gets a wedding cake-you two should get a wedding pie!"

That was it. Kaiba couldn't handle any further stupidity. He turned to Serenity. "I have to go take care of this meeting...see you at home tonight." He leaned over to kiss her, then picked up Joey's pie.

"Hey! What are you taking my pie for, Rich Boy? Like you couldn't just get your own-" Joey's rant was silenced immediately once a blueberry pie was shoved into his stupid face and his obnoxious mouth was filled with fruit. Everyone just stared, until Kaiba whirled around and walked briskly out the door.

"Unbelievable," Joey said, though he didn't sound angry.

"I know, Joey, I'm so sorry," Serenity apologized. Joey pulled the pie off his face.

"No! This thing is delicious! I've never tasted anything so good! Try it, you guys!"

Yugi stared at him, incredulous. "Joey, Kaiba just smashed a whole pie in your face. You aren't mad?"

"Who can be mad with something this amazing in their mouth?" Joey asked as he devoured the rest of the pastry.


	3. How I Met My Wedding Dress

A Midsummer Night's Nightmare

_Chapter III: How I Met My Wedding Dress_

Kaiba stormed out of his limo and to the front door of the mansion, cursing out loud while ranting in his mind. The meeting a few days before had gone successfully, which meant that the release date of the new Duel Disk design was cleared to release early. This also meant lots of marketing work to do and press conferences. He hated those stupid things; however, letting Mokuba handle them was not a wise choice at the moment, thanks in particular to his snazzy new attitude.

Speaking of the spawn of the devil, the sight Kaiba was greeted with was that of Mokuba sprawled on the couch in the lounge, a bottle of soda in his hand as he zoned out to a marathon of _How I Met Your Mother_. As soon as the ending credits began to flash along with the crazy catchy closing jingle, he crossed his arms, walked behind the couch, and cleared his throat. Mokuba turned his head back and grinned.

"Mokuba, don't you have homework to do?"

"Nope," the younger brother replied, sitting up momentarily before taking a swig of his soft drink. "But I do have a television show on right now, so if you don't mind, I'd appreciate watching Barney try to nail this girl in peace."

Disgusted, Kaiba reached for the remote and shut off the television. "I'll save you the trouble. He doesn't succeed with that one. Now go do your homework."

"Can't a little brother watch a sitcom without getting torn into?" Mokuba groaned, sloppily pushing himself to his feet. "And since when do you watch that show?"

"Serenity does," Kaiba answered, turning around and rolling his eyes. "Is she home yet?"

Mokuba shook his head as he proceeded to the staircase. "No, she went dress shopping with Téa." He hopped up the stairs with the same energy he'd had for years as Kaiba watched on. The elder brother walked into the kitchen and groaned when he discovered an empty pizza box underneath a half-eaten container of breadsticks. He shoved the bread into the refrigerator and the empty box into the trash, then headed up to his bedroom. He had a throbbing headache and was exhausted from the crazy events of the past few days; a nap was certainly in order.

* * *

Meanwhile, Téa and Serenity were scanning the dresses at the local bridal shop. Téa watched in awe as Serenity selected her final two dresses. The girl was marrying the richest man in town. yet she was deciding between the two simplest dresses in the store. She walked over and took a look at the price tag. Whoa. Scratch that. The gowns may have been simple, but the cost was not.

"Téa, should I go with the mermaid style dress or the one with the full lacy skirt?" Serenity asked, as she'd tried on both a million times, but still couldn't decide.

"The lacy one," Téa responded immediately. It was the more expensive one. "Hey, for bridesmaids, did you want long or short dresses?" She turned around to look at her friend, who was handing the mermaid dress back to the shop owner, along with her credit card. Serenity smiled.

"Short. I've already chosen the bridesmaids dresses. Want to see?" Téa nodded excitedly, and Serenity led her over to a mannequin wearing a short satin dress with diagonal pleats.

"What color?" Téa asked breathlessly as she fingered the cool, smooth material. Serenity sighed.

"Well, I wanted petal pink -it's a really light shade of pale pink, but Seto wanted the color scheme to be 'pure winter and cerulean.'" She rolled her eyes as Téa stifled a laugh. "Don't say anything, he and I have argued about it many times. But the blue is really pretty, see?" Serenity held out the color swatch, and Téa had to admit that it was quite beautiful.

"Hey, do you want to hang your dress at my place? So Kaiba doesn't see it?" Téa asked as they walked out to Serenity's car.

"Sure!" the girl replied, smiling. "I wasn't sure what I was going to do with it!" She drove Téa home, thanked her for hold onto her dress, then went back to the Kaiba mansion. She walked up the stairs to their bedroom, where she found Kaiba sprawled across the bed on his back, asleep. He was still wearing his business suit. Serenity rolled her eyes and sat next to him, pulling on his tie.

"Seto...hey, Seto, wake up," she called.

He groaned and put an arm over his eyes. "Mrgh."

"Is that Bulgarian for 'I missed you too, how was your day?'" Serenity asked sarcastically. Kaiba removed his arm from his face, opened his eyes, and gave her a look.

"No, it's Bulgarian for Mokuba is a pain in my ass." His fiancée grinned.

"Oh lord...what now?"

Kaiba simply shook his head and slowly sat up. "Never mind. So did you find your dress?"

"Yes."

"Let's see it."

"No! You don't get to see it until the day of the wedding!"

"Are you really that superstitious?"

"No, I just like keeping you in suspense." Serenity smirked as Kaiba rolled his eyes and stood up. "Hey, let's go out for dinner, just you and me. It's not even eight yet, and we haven't seen much of each other lately."

Kaiba grunted as he walked to find a change of clothes. "I suppose." The couple changed, and then headed out to their favorite restaurant...but they had no idea what they were getting into.

* * *

**Author's Note: **This was my half-hearted "move the story along to avoid getting way too stuck on it" chapter, so I do apologize. It is also my tribute to my favorite TV show (How I Met Your Mother) which just completed its nine year run. (I am still recovering from the series finale.) Also, I'd like to thank everyone for all the reviews...seriously, I wasn't expecting to get as many as I did on just two chapters, especially with a story like THIS...but the fact that I did makes me think I might actually be funny. :) Haha. You guys are awesome. So much love to everyone.


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